Lisa L'Actrice

Click here to be teleported

I have. Seriously. And my mom is down. So expect nothing for the moment.

Since have realized that one has readers and that readers tend to enjoy posts that are more frequent then leap years, I have have decided to attempt to write something at least every second day. So for a crazy example.... the next post after this one will be latest wedsday night. Although I forewarn, spelling and grammer will still be an issue. I've always had trouble following guidelines. Strunk and White be damned.

So since I've never been great keeping my personal life outside of postage.... I'll start there. I cried tonight. I really cried. And over the stupidest things. I started to cry watching an emotional episode of Grey's Anatomy from Sunday and then yes... I kid you not... General Hospital scenes. I think the sobbing bit is connected to the fact that I miss my mom. See both scenes that made me weep are pretty much about mothers and daughters. In GA, a mother lost her pregnant 22 year old daughter, even though the baby did survive.... and in GH a mother was reunited with a daughter she thought was dead...oh and the daughter is on her death bed. Neither my mother, nor I, are on the critical list- but I think the fact that I haven't seen her for 2 months is taking it's toll. I keep telling myself I'll see her this week. I will. I'll see her. She has to come down to help me arrange the getting my new apt- Oh yeah I found one near school. I'm really pleased about that. Now all I have to do is plan my Europe trip... wait I mean book. And I'd like to be a big girl right now and do it by myself.... but lately I don't think I have the stamina. I can't seem to focus completely with these antibiotics. I am eating right. I can't take my iron pills until I am done my meds. Oi with the poodles. Also my voice seems to be a little... well weak. I have a bit of a sore throat. Which makes me nervous.

Did I mention I'm doing a vocal / character intensive this week and next.... yeah. I'm drinking alot of tea. And the moment it feels worse I'm going to my doctor. Honestly I can't be getting more sick. I really am not pro this.

On the bright and shiny did start intensive today. It was great to see the whole cast together and reading through the play in our take on british accents. Also spending time as a group was nice. I like watching initial group dynamics, people who've worked together before or friends who are more clustered. And then there are the floaters who seem to fit in with all. It's nice to see, and hell be a part of. It's been to long since I've been part of any production. And even longer since I was part of a play. Oh and did I mention again that I'm acting. Not stage managing. As much as I know I'm good at stage managing, and that it's easy for me..... I can't let go of acting. It feels as important as breathing sometimes. It's the thing I know I can't give up on... because that would be like giving up on ambition or a future. I mean I get family, loved ones, hell kids one day are what matters at the end of the day.... but everyone needs this fire... this dream pushing them to achieve their goals.

We also read through the play again, well half of it, sans acccents and scene by scene explaining sayings, slang, and meaning. Very useful. I did find it pretty hard to speak sometimes today... but hopefully it's a side effect to the large mound of antibiotics.

Wow my mention of drugs could be a drinking game.

Alright girls, you know who you are, want to hear an amusing story....last night at 1am... I was struck with alot of energy. Just as I was going in to bed to sleep. I was with Bryan. He on the other hand was exhausted. So there I am going a mile a minute about nonsense... think Lorelai in Gilmore Girls going on about anvils and where that had gone, in fact almost the same rant... because frankly it got in my head and I seriously begin to wonder where all the anvils had gone. Bryan gave me an actual logical answer, that perhaps they were in small american towns in historical places.... yet I still kept going on about nonsense... so much that I think I rambled into a wide range of stuff... about 1:30am I realized Bryan was completely asleep and dead the world. Yes... my name is Lisa and I'm a talk-a-holic. I think it's time to admit I have a problem.

So hopefully that was enough personal stuff to get the ball rolling again. Maybe I'll chase this post with something a little more easier to follow.... maybe a column-ish thing on apt hunting and finding the right place...

First off Heather, no more jokes about the antibiotics... as I am really on them.... and it's fucking me up. So thanks.

I'm in a ranty, pissy mood. Mostly because I'm light headed and trying to balance finding a place to live with planning and booking a trip. All of which are being crammed in next week with my intensive. So somehow.... I have to before class which starts at 10... get to Travel Cuts to book my trip next week at 9am.... so I have to somehow.... get there for before 9am.. lets say 8:30 ish.... and then from there book as quick as possible and pray there is a shuttle running for me to get to Loy for 10am.

Then after my intensive post 6pm I have to check out apts.

And why does this piss me off... I have no damn energy. I feel like passing out at the moment which is not helping the situation. The goddamn antibiotics.... that thank goodness are taking away the fever are making me zombie-esque.

So this is why it's making me angry when there are jokes made about it.... because if it was your body that was run down since the 23rd of July ... and will probably be rundown for the rest of the antibiotics... which is lets see... about 6 more days... you'd be pretty damn pissed to. Right now all I feel like doing to crying because of frustration. I feel like saying fuck it and grabbing the next appartment I see even if the area sucks or the the rent is shit. I can't take it. I can't do all this alone. I wish my mom was down.... because I think her driving me to places to check out would be less stressful. I cease to give a shit. Maybe I should just give up on europe. I don't want to. But fuck. I don't know what to do. I want to cry. Fuck fuck fuck. I am uber pissed. Okay. Alright. Let me think. I'm going to check out some other tours. As my mother and grandmother won't let me go otherwise.. not that I can afford it. I hate this. It's turning into a circus.

I mean I'm happy with school, I'm happy with Bryan (you know this... since you are one of the few who read this), I'm happy with friends, Vero and Heather... note to you: Even if I'm irratable and pissy right now, it's the drugged feeling combined with the stress, and not either of you.

I'm just really fucking stressed. I don't even think I can call apts right now as I'm feeling pretty dazed.

I just want to lie down... good thing I'm downtown at the Hall building- perfect place for a nap.... bugger.

I got up this morning feeling better, although I haven't taken my temperature.... it depresses me. I slept until about 9am. I watched Gilmore Girls this morning, the episode I was too tired last night to keep my eyes open for. And now I'm looking through apt listings. I know super duper exciting.

Well it's just one of those lazy crazy days. Off to make some breakfast.

Even though I have to say Heather's review was stellar. I have to boast that we got reviewed in the Gazette. And a write up in The Mirror this week.

Either way I'm pretty proud of the production for getting good buzz... nothing like a full house to get the actors doing their ultimate best.

This is a picture that Cara took of me for her art direction project. Look I'm all perty. It's cool. I'm just waiting for Cara to meet me before the show so that I can go for pizza. I'm mucho hungry. I have good news other then being a Gut Girl I'm checking out possibly nice well priced apts on weds. I'm going to call more places on monday to line a bunch up to check out. I'm also looking forward to Vero coming down, along with an evening of booze and first wives club with Heather and Vero. I know you both read this. But I just wanted to put it out there how much I am looking foread to spending time.... real time with you too.

Vero I assure you I will clean up the apt. I have to start going through it anyway to pack some books and movies right away... and maybe purge a bit of my collection.

Heather I assure you my dishes will be done.

If anyone wishes to call me tonight I should be home at midnight. Like Cinderella I must be home by the strike of 12.

I wonder if Bryan will ever blog again? Just a random thought....

I know I'm refering to all who read this- but you know... git over it.

Not sure why,but am in a massively shitty mood. I think it's just being in the middle of the show and not being sure about work or where I'll be living as of july. You know... bugger. I have to figure all this out and in the mean time... for the next 40 minutes clean the apt in a crazy ass way. I need to have some organization. It's a mess. I'm a mess. Whatever. I'll deal - since it's what I do.

I love the shirt Heather btw...

Maybe wearing all this black for behind the scenes stuff is starting to effect my mood... I'm thinking of taking my Babby to church next sunday for the long 2 hours mass at Russian church. She's lonely. I miss her... makes sense right. Plus I went to Catholic Mass last Sunday for Bryan- why not make it a church year.

Whatever. Back to cleaning. Hopefully putting on the Beatles will help. Fucking Beatles.